Pressure

When I finally finished graduate school, I felt really weird. I had been a student for 24 years. I wasn’t quite sure what it was I wanted to do, but I knew it wasn’t school related. Lamar and I decided we should devote some time to service and giving back. Life has a way of taking over, and we wanted to travel, serve, and experience some of the world before that happened. So, we joined Peace Corps. But all the time, I knew this day would come…


Fall 2011 will be here before we know it, and we need jobs. For Lamar, this is easy. The man has actual, practical skills. He is talented, hard-working, and skilled. He will always be able to find work. I, however, am a much different story. I have one, teeny, tiny, super –specific thing I do. Finding a job for me looks much different.

After spending 13 years in primary and secondary school, and then eleven years in college and graduate school, I have to confess that unfortunately, much of my self-worth is wrapped up in my career. I know this is ridiculous, but it continually creeps in, and it is getting worse as the job search begins.

Tenure track positions at universities in America are unbelievably competitive. I mean, it is outrageous. I have already applied to nine schools, and now I just wait. I wait to see if I even get called back for an interview. I wait to see if they consider my location with Peace Corps as too much trouble to even deal with. I wait to see if they go with someone with more publications than me. I wait to see if they think my secondary specializations are an adequate match for their department. I wait to see if they feel my research has potential to draw outside funding. I wait to see if I am too young. I wait, wait, wait. It is so difficult not to take the process personally. After devoting so much time and energy to my studies, it is hard to not take it personally. I wake up thinking about it, and I go to bed thinking about it. And the thought of not getting a job this round, and having to repeat the process during the second-semester call for jobs is almost too much to consider…

But I know (heart and head) that God has a place and a plan for us. There is somewhere He wants us to be. There is a university (or high school, or Target), where my services are needed and will be appreciated. I just have to let go and trust Him to guide us there.

On the Peace Corps front:

I am working on a project with my students at the private university that I am beyond excited about. I want the project to take a more solid shape before I discuss it. But trust me: this one is going to be good! I am so excited to see what my students will do with this.

Lamar’s English class is huge this year, and he is doing great. He is really working to create unit and lesson plans. He even has one student from last year that he is still tutoring.

We made a nice dinner for our Brazilian pastor and his family last night. They are sweet people, and it was nice to spend time with them.

Yoga is still going great, and I would like to think that both Lamar and I are improving. We try, and efforts and intentions have to count for something.

Hope everyone is well. Enjoy the rest of the weekend.